Vision Impaired

Truthfully, my vision is not all that bad, but I have come to realise that the perception of my vision is very distorted.

Decades ago, the clan was in the Eastern Townships for a family function. Young, healthy adults with our own car, my mother asked if my sister and I would go to Target in Vermont to pick up a few things.

We did our rounds and one of the items on the list was unmentionables. My Mom was not a petit woman, and we picked them up in her brand and size. While driving back, I pulled out some of these items to have a closer look, and since I was curious, I opened one of the packages and took a look (imagine eyes balls popping out of head here).

I was a size 10 or 12 and to be honest, I never really thought about my Mom’s size as a kid but I knew she was unhappy because of all her diets  and negative self talk. That must have been in the 1960′s when the Twiggy, stick thin look was becoming DE rigour and Marilyn Monroe’s curves were on the way out.

I have followed my mothers footsteps, and am now a woman of Largess, Rubinesque, Goddess size, Curvy, and my vision and perspective of dimensions and portions got adjusted to BIG over the years!

For instance, a while back I was at my brothers place and asked to use the laundry and took things out of the dryer to fold, when I came upon a top that was a women’s medium, and I thought it belonged to a 12 year old. For the life of me, I didn’t know who it belonged to. Being single all my life, I was mostly in contact with my own clothes, and this tiny top confused me! Their kids were grown up now and did not live there, so who’s could it be???? Duh, it belonged to one of their daughters who did her laundry at home! My God, was she that tiny for a 20 something? Arrh, vision – impaired!

Another instance was when living in Toronto, I was invited to a dinner party for a friend coming in from western Canada. Our host, whom I shall refer to as “A” served dinner and put the plates in front of us. I looked at it and realized I would starve this night with these portions. “Where’s the meat and potatoes and more vegetables please” exploded in my head! There was more plate than food!

“A” is tall and slender, beautiful and a health advocate. The guest of honour “M” had just lost 50 pounds and looked amazing and was strutting her stuff! These were portions normal, healthy people ate, not me, and I sat in stunned dismay for a minute or two, unable to move or speak! “M” leaned over to me and whispered in my ear “Shocking, isn’t it!” and I burst out laughing, because of all the people at the table, she was the only one who recognized my visual and physical plight! It wasn’t the end of the world, but as an overweight person who’s drug is food (and I don’t mean too much broccoli) I really wondered how I would survive that meal.

See how one’s vision can become distorted? Since I am no longer much of a drinker, 2 drinks is over doing it for me, and smoking is just out of the question too, so food is my crutch! These day’s I am doing the do things to turn my health around, and slowly the pounds are coming off. When I look in the mirror, I see the change in my face and body, but it is hard for me to perceive myself at my ideal weight, only because my sight has been warped by seeing myself in size huge for a couple of decades. See, impaired vision and perception again. Now isn’t that just a metaphor for my life!

For the last few months, I have been kinder to myself it is working, slowly. And as I get lighter in both spirit and weight, my old beliefs and vision are being cast aside, and I am learning to live in the now, and not in the when or why. Yes to the Age of Aging!

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